


Say You'll Be There

by Poochee



Series: LauntFamily!AU [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF, Rush (2013)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Babies, Baby!Kimi, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Launt Family AU, Minor Character Death, Single Parents, i just wanted to try a different approach to all this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1472917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poochee/pseuds/Poochee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> But, he’s certain on one thing, even if everything else is clear as mud. He’s keeping Kimi. He’ll raise him, on his own if he has to. Kimi’s lost one parent already. James doesn't have the heart for him to lose both, even if it’s selfish of him to think so.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>He knows there are other parents who would be better for Kimi. They’re ready for kids, they have the means and the money to raise one, maybe even two. They’re not twenty-two years old with no stable job, with nothing to go on but some crazy dream.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>He’s stressed. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say You'll Be There

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i feel like i need to explain haha i had this thought last night, about the ficlet i did for Launt family au in which Kimi is Niki and James' son, and naturally my mind went to weird places and I thought: what if James was a single parent before everything?
> 
> obviously i had to bend some dates and create a minor character in order to make everything fit and less weird, but it is fiction for a reason ^^;
> 
> I really just wanted to give this a try. Idk if it crosses a line or something, but it's purely fictional and I just wanted to try something different! This _is_ going to be a mini series, and the next installment will definitely involve Niki, so maybe you'll stick around long enough to see it?
> 
> Thanks for giving this a try, it means a lot to me <3  
> ps. the title is a Spice Girls song lol no regrets

He gets the phone call in the morning, on October 17th at 8:23 a.m. It’s the hospital.

Isla Räikkönen had given birth to a healthy 8lbs 7oz baby boy a few hours ago, and James Simon Wallis Hunt had been named the father.

At first, he thought it had been a joke, until they said it was important that he be there a soon as possible.

Once he got to the hospital, the doctor told him Isla had died giving birth. They had done all they could, but she was gone.

James didn’t know how to feel. He was speechless, and for whatever reason, he asked what the name was.

Kimi-Matias Räikkönen. A beautiful Finnish name.

Kimi was in the pediatric wing, behind a pane of glass, in a little plastic crib along with the other nearly identical children. _Fresh out of the womb_ , his mother would probably giggle.

James had stood over his newborn son for a long, long time. He didn’t know what to do. He just stared down at the little pink-skinned boy, his blond hair tucked beneath a soft little blue cap. He was so small, but he was breathing, steady and even. His little barely-there eyebrows would furrow and relax, his face twitching gently now and then.

When one of the nurses came over, she asked James if he wanted to carry him.

“Uh…” He didn’t know if he wanted to.

Kimi began to fuss, the softest little cry coming from his throat, and without a second thought James said a quick, “Yes.”

He had no idea how to hold a baby. The nurse told him how.

“Support his head, yeah, just like that…and his body, keep him tucked close – but be gentle!”

James was scared, now that he had Kimi in his arms.

But Kimi stopped fussing, and he went right back to sleep.

He mumbled a ‘thank you’ to the nurse as she left them alone, and James stepped out of the room with his boy, still staring down at him in both wonder and fret.

Such a tiny baby. So pink, so blond, so…his.

James didn’t like being tied down. It was unnerving and, for this instance, scary. This little bundle in his arms is _his_. He _made_ this little baby, along with Isla, and oh, why didn’t she tell him? Why didn’t she phone him and just tell him once she found out? Was she going to raise Kimi all on her own? She had done a good job so far, and it made James’ heart heavy at the thought that _this_ was all she could ever do. She’d never see her son grow up--

Kimi would never see his mother. Pictures, yes, but he would never get to hug her. Never kiss her goodnight and good morning. Never hear the sound of her voice.

James felt his eyes prick with tears, but they went unshed. He stared down at Kimi, idly wondering what colour his eyes would be, trying to distract himself from painful truths. Would they be like his, blue? Or grey, like his mother’s?

He remembered Isla. He couldn't help it. She had been gorgeous. Blond, grey-eyed, ivory skin. She had the cutest nose. Her smile was lovely. James had liked her from the moment they met through mutual friends.

They hadn’t dated. They didn’t like the monogamy, had sex a few times, but nothing serious.

_Not until now, of course,_ his mind supplied snidely. 

They had drifted a while ago. She had been a friend, of-sorts, and James really wished she was here now.

Kimi stirred in his arms, beginning to fuss, and James lifted his head to find a kink in his neck.

The clock down the hall read noon, and James wondered how long he and Kimi had been sitting there.

\--

Kimi won’t stop crying, and James begins to panic. Something is wrong, but he doesn’t know what.

He approaches a passing nurse, explains what happened in one breath, and she tells him to calm down.

“He’s probably just hungry, sir. Take him to his mother, she’ll know what to do.”

James feels helpless, and his eyes burn again. It’s been hours and he can’t even feed his own son.

\--

They have a nurse feed Kimi formula while James goes outside to calm down, taking deep, ragged breaths and nursing a cigarette between his shaking fingers. He doesn’t know what to do.

Isla’s parents weren’t there, they're probably in Finland. Surely they would be down for a funeral or something. Maybe they could do something…

He calls his mother, using the payphone down the street.

“Hello?”

“Hi, mum,” he breathes, taking another long drag from his cigarette, “How’re you?”

“Just fine, thanks. Yourself?”

James exhales his burning lungs and gives a little shaky laugh, “I’ve been better.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah…” And he tells her what’s happened.

\--

Shit like this doesn’t happen in real life. This is movie stuff, things you see with fictional characters. Music cues, a happy ending, credits.  


Isla’s parents want nothing to do with Kimi. They leave everything up to James.

_You’re the father, he’s your child--_ you _choose what to do with him! We have our daughter to worry about now, there’s no way we can support you and hold her funeral!_

“Be careful with his head, love,” Sue murmurs, moving over to help her son adjust his hold on the little boy bundled up in his arms. He keeps forgetting about supporting the head.

James nods in thanks and stares down at Kimi, who’s fast asleep in his arms, pressing his tiny lips into a thin line and the Brit’s once again wondering if this is some sort of punishment for being…well, himself. Partying, drinking, sleeping around…

It’s been two days since he’s been declared the father of Kimi Räikkönen, and they’ve taken refuge in the Hunt household until nightfall. This is the soberest he's ever felt in his life.

His mother has been a huge help so far, welcoming little Kimi into the family, cooing and cuddling him in a way that is so natural compared to James’ robotic movements and awkward handling. He doesn’t even trust himself to feed Kimi yet, either. His mum’s done it a dozen times by now.

His father hasn’t spoken a word to him yet, and James is not surprised.

“You can relax, you know,” his mother murmurs, and James peeks up at her, even afraid to take his eyes off Kimi. “Lean back, let him lay on your chest a bit…it’ll save your arms.”

“I don’t want to drop him,” James murmurs, looking back down at the little Finn, “I can’t even bloody walk around with him without scaring myself…”

His mother makes a sympathetic noise in the back of her throat, and moves closer, placing her gentle hands on his shoulder and slowly pressing him back.

“Mum--” James’ breath catches in his throat as his back meets the cushions, his eyes wide as he stares down at Kimi, whose weight is heavier now that he’s resting a little more on his chest.

“See?” She smiles, patting her son’s shoulder gently, “You’re fine, James. Don’t think about it too much.”

That’s all James has been doing for the past two days, thinking. He’s given himself a headache worrying about his racing and the baby and how the hell he’s going to support himself _and_ Kimi. Kimi needs diapers, formula, bottles, clothes…the only thing James has saved on so far is a crib. He sleeps with Kimi on one half of the bed, tucked safely between two pillows. James is scared of rolling over onto him in his sleep, so he hasn’t been getting much of that. It doesn't help that Kimi wakes up every four hours, either.

But, he’s certain on one thing, even if everything else is clear as mud. He’s keeping Kimi. He’ll raise him, on his own if he has to. Kimi’s lost one parent already. James doesn't have the heart for him to lose both, even if it’s selfish of him to think so.

He knows there are other parents who would be better for Kimi. They’re ready for kids, they have the means and the money to raise one, maybe even two. They’re not twenty-two years old with no stable job, with nothing to go on but some crazy dream.

He’s stressed.

“You look exhausted,” Sue murmurs, breaking James’ little spell.

He has dark circles under his eyes, and his face is lacking the usual colour. Still, he manages a little wry smile, muttering, “Thanks, mum.”

“Let me take Kimi for the night, get some rest. You can come back in the morning.”

He tears his eyes from his baby and looks at his mum, his lips parted in slight surprise, “Really…?”

“Of course,” she laughs softly, easily, and wraps her arm around his shoulders. He leans into her touch as much as he can before he’s worrying over Kimi again. “I think we still have the crib in the garage…it’s a little old, but I’ll give it a wash and put some new sheets on it. I’ll even give it to you, along with some of the soft toys in Georgina’s room. Alright?”

He doesn’t know how to express his thanks, his gratitude. All he manages is a soft, “Thanks, mum…” and a sincere little smile.

“Of course, darling,” she murmurs, leaning over to press a kiss to his forehead, “Come on, give me him, and be careful driving back to your flat.”

“Yes, I will…”

He nearly cries on the way home.

\--

It says like that for a while. His parents watch over Kimi when they can while James tries to find work during the off-season. It’s tough, but he gets a few part-time jobs. He pays rent, puts gas in his car, and buys Kimi what he needs. He’s had to cut off his cable and phone for a while, but quickly realized how inconvenient it is when he needs to speak to his mother, so he gets it back up.

He visits home a lot. Ever since he moved out, he’s hardly gone back, except for Christmas. He likes being alone, having his own space, but this is harder than anything he’s ever done and he needs all the support he can get. He doesn’t party as much as he used to, which is a bummer, and he loses some friends because of that. All that’s really done is shown him who his friends really are, and who aren’t.

The first time he feeds Kimi, it’s nerve-wracking. He’s with his mother while he does it, asking for help, for guidance, and he gets it without question. He holds the plastic nipple to Kimi’s pink lips, watching his little tongue and his little gums, until he begins to suck and it’s a whole new experience for James. He watches Kimi eat, his eyes wide in awe, and he feels this odd sense of pride wash over him. This little baby is his, and he's eating, he's growing and getting stronger every day. Hell, he's heavier than he was when they came home from the hospital! 

And the more experience he gets, the less time he stays with his mum. He drops Kimi off, kisses her cheek, and leaves with promises of picking him up later. He can change Kimi by himself, feed him, cuddle him and can finally hold him properly. It's the small achievements that give him hope.

His life is still far from balanced, but he’s certainly trying to find his equilibrium.

\--

He holds Kimi more often than not these days. His boy is getting bigger as the weeks go by, and soon enough, he’s one month old. He sleeps most of the day away, and James tries to do the same, but usually he's working and his mother has Kimi. The little Finn hasn't adjusted to sleeping through the night yet, which is a pain, but he's slowly learning. Sometimes, when he is awake, James would lay with him in bed and just stare down at him, talking softly about what he knew about his mother, how proud James was of him. Kimi would stare up at him curiously the whole time, his face only twitching sometimes. James liked to place his finger against Kimi's palm, and when those little fingers wrapped around it, he would pretend as if Kimi had the strongest grip in the world. Kimi would give something close to a smile, but nothing more. 

One day, James notices that his eyes are grey, like his mother’s. He realizes that Kimi looks just like her, and it nearly breaks James’ heart.

\--

When Kimi’s two months old, James is nearly a pro at being dad. He can change diapers in a flash, and he can finally bathe Kimi with confidence, even though the little blond cries his heart out. He even starts to recognize the different cries, begins to coo to him, and even begins to talk to him like a normal person. Kimi doesn’t understand a word, but James doesn’t mind. At least now he's a little more responsive.

His friends, the ones who haven’t abandoned him, come over. They meet Kimi, play with him, hold and carry him, and it’s one of the best feelings in the world to be accepted. Some of the girls even offer to babysit, as they usually fall in love with Kimi by the end of their visits.

He tries to date a little, but as always, it doesn’t last long. They lose his interest quickly, usually after the first month. They become predictable. They say they aren’t like other girls, but that’s what they all say. Well, to James, that’s how it is. His relationship to his son is probably the longest one he’s ever had, and Kimi surprises him every day with a leg kick or a gurgle.

_It must be the baby_ , James thinks one morning as he feeds Kimi, _they all think I’m some mature guy waiting for the right girl, just because I have a kid. Babies are women magnets, that’s for sure._

“You’re the best wingman any guy could ever want, Kimy,” he laughs softly, carefully sitting down on the couch and brushing the platinum-blond hair back from Kimi’s pale forehead. The apartment is a little messy, yes, and James is in need of a shower. He’s wearing some old house coat that he found in the back of his bedroom closet. He doesn’t want to shower until Kimi’s back asleep.

For now, James watches Kimi eat. It’s a habit, to focus on the way Kimi’s eyelids flutter and how his chubby cheeks move as he sucks and swallows the formula. He wishes he could give Kimi breast milk, but it’s just not an option. He settles for the best formula, and the plastic nipple.

He even makes a habit out of not wearing a shirt, as it creates a stronger bond between parent and child, according to some book his mother gave him. James never wore a shirt, anyway, so it’s fine. He likes the feeling of Kimi’s soft skin against his own, and he notices how Kimi doesn’t fuss or cry whenever they have little moments like that. Kimi is, thankfully, growing to have a great temperament and he's usually pretty calm. 

Once Kimi’s drained the bottle, James playfully calls him a little leech and carefully arranges him for burping, gently patting Kimi’s back with his hand and muttering little encouragements under his breath.

Today is the today James is spit-up on, and it’s the nastiest feeling in the whole world.

\--

When Kimi is three and a half months old, James gets a phone call from Gowrings of Reading. It’s his silver lining.

They’ve given him a budget for a new car, and he’s going to be racing in that following British Formula Three Championship. This is his time to prove himself as driver.

He’s so excited, he has to put Kimi on the ground, where James has established a little play and changing area. It’s just a soft blanket spread out on the floor with Kimi’s toys sprawled around, nothing fancy. He places Kimi on his stomach and heads back to the phone, dragging it as close to the blanket as the line allows before settling down and beginning to make a few calls.

His mother is happy for him. His friends are, too. Kimi is passive, although he does lift his head and chest to look at James while he talks on the phone.

Suddenly, he rolls over onto his back for the first time, and James has a new reason to be excited. This is a first; he even hangs up on his friend to congratulate Kimi, hoisting him up easily and cuddling him into his chest, laughing as Kimi grabs his hair in response and coos into James’ neck.

James likes to think that his son is sincerely proud of him, just like he is for him.


End file.
